The Hardest Thing...

My Darlings...Sorry for being late with our last--hate this word as I'm not good at handling the feeling attached to the word--entry of our journal. I have no excuse for that. My head gone blank and I couldn't get myself to write just about anything. Here I am though and I like us to share about this--the hardest thing in my life. Don't forget to use adjectives or adverbs where possible na kha.

Many years ago, nothing in my life was hard but getting myself to write my thesis. I finally quit the job I love in Bangkok just to concentrate on writing the thesis. Part of the reason was that I, deep down inside, didn't believe I couldn't make it. Eventually, I completed it and that was the day I felt the true liberty. Time has gone by and today I'm facing the thing I sort of believe I...I don't know...see, it's hard to accept that I may not make it. That thing is 'quitting coffee'. I may have to finally admit it's the hardest thing in my life for I remember quitting it a few times already, but I kept coming back after a few months. This time things started last Friday when I got on a bus to Chiang Mai in the morning and didn't have time for my coffee. On the bus, I slept all the way until I arrived in Chiang Mai in the afternoon. Then I started feeling a bit of a headache and it was worse with each second passed by, but there was nothing I could do as my friends were driving me to a mall. The headache got so strong that I ended up with a couple of tablets for I couldn't bear it any more; it was like an invisible powerful hand was squeezing my skull. I then thought--This is not fair. My body can't protest me like this because I didn't mean to neglect feeding her with her favourite drink--. From that point, I, once again, determined to quit the drink I saw as the nectar of satan. And here I am, a not so well-functioned Supin, a drowsy Supin, and a weak Supin who is struggling and striving not to surrender to the drink black as hell but sensual as waves foam alluring the morning sunlight.

Work of the Mind

It's around this time of year--again--when I have a strong feeling that "I can't be here. I need to go. I have to leave. I want to set out for a travel." The feeling was so strong that I submitted a resignation letter once already. I'm still here though and the feeling returned a few weeks ago: I felt the urge to leave for somewhere. In my quiet morning today, I found the pictures that I like to share with you. When I saw them; many things, many thougts ran around inside of my head like a rat. I like you to imagine yourself being in the picture--only one (male for boys and female for girls)--and describe to me what you are thinking (or thinking about) or how you are feeling. Here, it won't be a recall of an event like many of you like to do anymore. It is what's inside your head, the work of the mind right at the moment you are standing there in the picture...in place of the man or the woman. Don't forget to use adjectives or adverbs to help you convey your message.

The Season in My Heart

Dry season, for me, is the most charming season since--in one summer--I've seen the picture when my friend and I drove on Isaan route some years ago. That picture has lodged in my mind since then. The scene of dry fields on both sides of the road rolling along us while we were driving to Nong-Khai was common. Just as I got a bit bored with the same scene for a few hours already, the picture of an elder sitting on a veranda of a shanty looking out to a barren field emerged. The picture was just beautiful for it brought to me, forthwith, the atmosphere of solitude and desolation. With that one picture I could feel--and never before in my life--so lonely, hopeless, and sad. The dry brown rice field scorched in the May sunight told a story of an abandoned, deserted, and desperate life. The life that was approaching twilight with soft breath. The life that belonged to the olds and no one cared.

My Impression

My Darlings,

Sorry for not having time to share with you this week, so you have to go by yourself this time.

I like you to talk about one thing; either a place, food, book, gift/present, etc., (not a person) which imprinted on you (good/bad, positive/negative, beautiful/ugly) the pictures or feelings.

Select and use adjectives to describe the thing and your feeling to help me see the pictures in your mind na kha.

Love
sp

New Year's Resolution

Before gliding along 2010, let's take some times to look back to the past twelve months and see what the one thing that has brought about our New Year's resolution is. Rewinding a film reel, I see clearly a so plain and ordinary guy that I did not pay attention to when we first met; just recognized that he was one of the new colleagues I was introduced to in Chiang Rai. Time passed by, while I was busying myself with fitting into a new glass of water; and he, an ordinary and soft spoken guy, showed up in my office one day asking about the task we had been assigned but did not know much about. Telling him I would find out the answers, we started to exchange more and it turned out to be me who frequently popped up in his office to relay the information and to talk about other stuff. I was taken by surprise when, he, an ordinary; soft spoken; and sensible guy, offered to take me to my birthday dinner. With his motorbike, we went to town to find a nice place I'd told him was any place for good food and red wine. He, an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; and tasteful guy, picked a place and ordered a bottle of red wine for us. I started feeling hot on my face after the first glass and knew what it was, so I put up as an excuse a rare occasion where I drank with male reasoning that I was aware of how awful it would be to get red in front of guys. He, an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; tasteful; and artful guy said, "Is it hot when it's red?" while his hand was reaching out to my cheek and I got carried away. It's been a year already. I've learned a lot more about him, he who was an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; tasteful; artful; and complicating guy, yet know nothing about him; and instead got weakened and weakened myself each day. Thus, for 2010 I put this as my New Year's Resolution--BE COMPOSED, BE FOCUSED, BE STRONG!

'Give Me a Break'

At intervals, we all need a break. I always need it when working; especially after sitting long hours in front of a computer. To take a break, I usually opt to work on something else or play some computer games, and sometimes just eat or take a nap. That should sound familiar and common as they are what many people do to ease the tension built up during that physical moments. Yet, there's another kind of tension that seems to be stronger and tends to burrow its root deeper. This kind of tension is accumulated through thought; and I normally need quiet time with myself when it occurs. Nonetheless, I've found out that talking to people helps. All I need is the right person to talk to and it should be done when my mind is stable enough to not to be stirred or weakened by possible unexpected different viewpoints.

What about you? How do you take a break during tense time?

BEYOND THE LIMIT

I've found going beyond my limit is challenging and a fun way to spice up my life. Just last Sunday that I participated in a mini-marathon and found out I can run as far as 10 kilometers. Although I exercise regularly, the usual distance I run is 6-7 km. I think being unfamiliar with any distance farther than that was the deep down inside fear for me to shy away from joining the competition every time I'd been invited. However, with no thought on Saturday's invitation (which I haven't come up with why it was that way yet), I was at the marathon; as the only first-time one in the van, in Chiang Saen with a nervous mind at first for I was afraid I might stop in the middle of the way when I arrived 6th k.m. What happened was that as I arrived some distance and was really tired I started thinking about nothing but 'Don't stop Supin!' With that in mind, I kept running, slowly though, and didn't care about entering the finish point as number one, two or three anymore. Finally, I entered the second. It brought me joy, but what made me proud was knowing that I now could break my limit and it's this thing that will stay in me forever.