New Year's Resolution

Before gliding along 2010, let's take some times to look back to the past twelve months and see what the one thing that has brought about our New Year's resolution is. Rewinding a film reel, I see clearly a so plain and ordinary guy that I did not pay attention to when we first met; just recognized that he was one of the new colleagues I was introduced to in Chiang Rai. Time passed by, while I was busying myself with fitting into a new glass of water; and he, an ordinary and soft spoken guy, showed up in my office one day asking about the task we had been assigned but did not know much about. Telling him I would find out the answers, we started to exchange more and it turned out to be me who frequently popped up in his office to relay the information and to talk about other stuff. I was taken by surprise when, he, an ordinary; soft spoken; and sensible guy, offered to take me to my birthday dinner. With his motorbike, we went to town to find a nice place I'd told him was any place for good food and red wine. He, an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; and tasteful guy, picked a place and ordered a bottle of red wine for us. I started feeling hot on my face after the first glass and knew what it was, so I put up as an excuse a rare occasion where I drank with male reasoning that I was aware of how awful it would be to get red in front of guys. He, an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; tasteful; and artful guy said, "Is it hot when it's red?" while his hand was reaching out to my cheek and I got carried away. It's been a year already. I've learned a lot more about him, he who was an ordinary; soft spoken; sensible; tasteful; artful; and complicating guy, yet know nothing about him; and instead got weakened and weakened myself each day. Thus, for 2010 I put this as my New Year's Resolution--BE COMPOSED, BE FOCUSED, BE STRONG!

'Give Me a Break'

At intervals, we all need a break. I always need it when working; especially after sitting long hours in front of a computer. To take a break, I usually opt to work on something else or play some computer games, and sometimes just eat or take a nap. That should sound familiar and common as they are what many people do to ease the tension built up during that physical moments. Yet, there's another kind of tension that seems to be stronger and tends to burrow its root deeper. This kind of tension is accumulated through thought; and I normally need quiet time with myself when it occurs. Nonetheless, I've found out that talking to people helps. All I need is the right person to talk to and it should be done when my mind is stable enough to not to be stirred or weakened by possible unexpected different viewpoints.

What about you? How do you take a break during tense time?

BEYOND THE LIMIT

I've found going beyond my limit is challenging and a fun way to spice up my life. Just last Sunday that I participated in a mini-marathon and found out I can run as far as 10 kilometers. Although I exercise regularly, the usual distance I run is 6-7 km. I think being unfamiliar with any distance farther than that was the deep down inside fear for me to shy away from joining the competition every time I'd been invited. However, with no thought on Saturday's invitation (which I haven't come up with why it was that way yet), I was at the marathon; as the only first-time one in the van, in Chiang Saen with a nervous mind at first for I was afraid I might stop in the middle of the way when I arrived 6th k.m. What happened was that as I arrived some distance and was really tired I started thinking about nothing but 'Don't stop Supin!' With that in mind, I kept running, slowly though, and didn't care about entering the finish point as number one, two or three anymore. Finally, I entered the second. It brought me joy, but what made me proud was knowing that I now could break my limit and it's this thing that will stay in me forever.

HAPPINESS

People think of various things that bring happiness. Some say family members getting together is happiness while the other say a bar of chocolate is. If we sit in a circle and let each person tell the whole group what brings him/her happiness, I believe we can go all day. But what if we break happiness down to smaller pieces and put them in each moment; let's say morning, afternoon, evening, and night? Will that make a difference? Could you share with me (no matter how you assign your moments--days, weeks, months, years, seasons, occasions) in a narrative form?

Gluttonousness

Let me bring you back to Krabi once again. This time is the story of 'Gluttonousness'. A person is gluttonous when s/he cannot stop stuffing herself or himself with favorite food. Yes, I am gluttonous. Every time I see kha-nom (desserts or snacks) I love, my body will be in trouble. What I love the most are cakes, anything cheesy and creamy. There, at Railay (Krabi), I found the name 'Gluoy-Buad-Shee' (bananas in coconut milk) on the menu and tried it just because I wanted to know if this favorite dessert of mine is different from the one I have in the north. Of course, I assumed that the coconut milk in the south should be more creamy than in the north's, so I asked for a lot of coconut milk. My request was responded and I WAS RIGHT! It may be one of a few right decisions and assumptions I've made this year because 'Gluoy-Buad-Shee' here was so good that I didn't leave a drop of coconut milk in the bowl. When I moved on to Lanta, during dinner, I ordered this dessert again with the same request for a lot of coconut milk. This time they gave me whole lots of coconut milk in a big bowl and I had it all. I went back to my room licking my lips as I thought what a wonderful bowl of 'Gluoy-Buad-Shee'. After about an hour, I started feeling bad in my stomach. It got more intense just within ten minutes and finally I ran to the wash room and threw up. The next day, I rent a motorbike and drove around Lanta. During the joy ride, I saw a sign saying 'Fresh coconut milk for sell' and suddenly my stomach started feeling unsettled. The same feeling re-surged when I drove on and saw the sign saying 'Gluoy Laundry'. Now, I don't know if 'Gluoy-Buad-Shee' is still one of my most favorite desserts.

The Fear Conquerer

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." -- Dorothy Thompson

'Fear' is the feeling caused by awareness of 'unsafety,' 'insecurity,' or 'danger'. Such awareness occurs when we have to deal with things we either know nothing about or cannot see. For example, we fear walking in the dark for we do not know what there is/ may be/ possibly be in the darkness. I myself have learned I fear deep water because my feet cannot touch the bottom and it leads me to the feeling of insecurity. It happened during last break when I spent my time in Krabi. I bought a day trip to PP Island and Maya, where The Beach was filmed, but missed a chance to experience the wonder of underwater world. 'The first time snorkel in my life' was not the cause of the fear as I always like to learn new things. Instead, it was all because I fear the dark blue sea that kept reminding me I would not be able to stand when I wanted to breathe even though I can swim. The second day came and I told myself--Supin, you don't come this far to just lie on the beach watching people have fun in the sea; so I trained myself to get acquainted with breathing through the tube. I did it in the area where my feet could touch the bottom. When the tourists were let to venture by themselves in the deep sea I put on a life jacket and told the guide to keep eyes on me as I am not a very good swimmer. There, in the sea, I saw many colorful and beautiful fishes and corals I'd never seen. I saw nemos or clown fishes as well. All the amazement and joy were mine as I tried to find our speed boat to figure out how far I came and realized it was pretty faaaaaar. I made it! I've swum across the border of fear in my mind!! I am 'Supin: The Fear Conquerer'!!!

Supin Luknarakul 00000001 (section 1&4)